Aircrew Life Support/Flight Equipment Story
Once upon a time there were four Chiefs, one MAC,
one TAC, one SAC and one ATC. They all gathered at ATC's most remote and God
forsaken location, Chanute AFB. III one cold spring day in 1983 or four I
really can't recall, I just know it was cold as Mars. We were there to resolve
a great Life Support crisis, and that I can't recall either. What I do remember
is that the stolen vehicle was a rental car in the control of the richest
command, TAC and a Chief called Johnny Nevada whose cowboy boots accentuated his
high-water AF blue trousers and faded blue jacket.
Johnny had led this Junior Chief and the other two
veteran Chiefs to the old cafeteria across from the B-36 near the end of the
flight line. There he encouraged us to imbibe in some of the wonderful green
beer that we all remembered fondly flowing from a tap of the same color, to
refresh the memories of our roots. All but the SAC Chief imbibed with thirst
quenching delight, to the point of Air Force exhilaration. The SAC Chief bought
a 12 pound box of Oreos and a gallon of milk for the road. The emboldened TAC
Chief made a comment about departure and we all departed the fix, quite
joyously I might add, having restored the fond memory of our roots.
On our way back the Dorm, (yes that is where ATC
kept the Chief's quarters a guarded secret), blue lights blossomed behind us
and beckoned us to stop. Here lies the truth, as we were approached by the
young two striper SP.
Airman: Chief, may I see your license and
registration?
TAC Chief: Sure. This is a beautiful base you have
here.
SAC Chief: First spewing of milk and Oreos.
(apparently not in agreement). Airman: Where you from Chief?
TAC Chief: I'm the leader of the most forward
looking Life Support program in the world, the TAC Life Support Program.
SAC Chief: Second spewing of milk and Oreos.
(apparently still not in agreement).
MAC Chief: I'm the leader of the biggest looking
Life Support program in the world, the MAC Life Support Program.
SAC Chief: Third spewing of milk and Oreos. (You
guessed it, he didn't agree).
ATC Chief: I'm the leader of the quietest Life
Support program in the world, the ATC Life Support program.
SAC Chief: No reaction.
Airman to SAC
Chief: I'll bet you are the leader of the most destructive Life Support
program in the world, the SAC Life Support Program.
SAC Chief responds
indignantly: Why would you say that?
Airman: Chief
you've destroyed the front of your Blues with those milk and cookies.
As the fumes from
the green beer overwhelmed the young Airman, he called the SP Sergeant on the duty desk and asked for advice, to
which the audible response was,
"You'd better let them go!"
The airman gave
Johnny Nevada back his documents and Johnny responded courteously.
He was also heard to be mumbling "three drunks and a cookie eater and why wasn't
the cookie eater driving?"
To
the best of my recollection these are the facts, and this should put all rumors
to rest forever. I can still hear Johnny Nevada saying "Milk and Oreos! Don, why weren't you driving. We dodged a
bullet that night on Chanute."
CMSgt (Ret) Ray
Blanchette